Obedience Is...

The very best way to show that you belieeeeeeeve!

Okay so maybe you never sang that song in Sunday School but I did. Obedience is also the very best way to allow God to bless your life.
REWIND
March 2012 - I was going through my closet and came across, once again, my wedding dress from my JOP wedding in HI (as opposed to the ceremony we'd planned all along that had taken place at home). My gorgeous wedding dress that has sat in a closet in a bag for 4 years and isn't even THE dress, it was just the last minute dress for the last minute wedding. No, I wasn't pregnant, I had gotten orders to PCS. Our wedding would have been our last time together for our first year (or more) of marriage. But I'm a sentimental sap so even though it wasn't THE dress, it was still my JOP wedding dress so I still had it. God laid it on my heart to give it to someone who needed it. I felt so, so strongly that I needed to bless someone with that dress. It was prom season so I assumed it would be easy. It wasn't. And I figured it better to hold on to it than to donate it to one of the local "charitable" events since too many of these women are later found to be selling their free dress. I wanted someone to use it to feel beautiful on a special day because, well I might be biased but... the dress is beautiful. Satin sheath with crystal details. Beautiful and flattering.
FAST FORWARDDDDD.... errrrrrrrr.... STOP!
July 2012 - I bought plane tickets to take my baby home for the first time. I toyed with the idea of having a trash-the-dress shoot with my JOP wedding dress but I never packed the dress to go home with me. Oops.
FAST FORWARD... eeerrrrr... STOP!
September 2012 - My kid hasn't gained weight in months. She's even started to lose weight. This is pertinent to the story, just follow me here. Round One of blood work happens after vacation. 
FAST FORWARD... eeerrrrrrr... STOP!
Two days ago - A local fiancee put out the request for a pretty white dress to wear on her own JOP wedding day (today). They were putting together a last minute ceremony for whatever reason necessary. *PING! PING! PING!* went my heart strings but I ignored them for a few hours. Finally around 8 pm, I responded to her, after so many other women, and offered my wedding dress. I emailed her a picture since she already had so many to choose from. None of those were wedding dresses, though. She loved mine but assumed I wanted cash for it and decided she couldn't afford it. Silly girl, it was free. So she asked if she could try it on so before I could change my mind, I forced L to head to her house and drop of the dress. Drop of MY dress with a perfectly good STRANGER. I bawled my eyes out but still felt at peace with it. I did the right thing. I mean, that's not even THE dress that's super special to me anyway, I'm just a sentimental sap. I still have my first A+ test from kindergarten. Yep, packrat.
FAST FORWARD... errr... STOP!
Yesterday - I get a nerve-inducing phone call from the doctor... on her off day. The news isn't bad yet, and it probably won't be, but K had to go for blood work Round Two ASAP. Levels were off and more testing was necessary.
FAST FORWARD (last time) STOP!
Today - God knew in May that I would need a pick me up today. On Tuesday, God perfectly timed the pick-me-up, as long as I obeyed. The blood work was awful. Better than Round One in the sense that we saw a pediatric nurse and the pediatric nurse absolutely refused to stick K until she was sure she'd get the vein. Better in the sense that the nurse didn't bruise my baby. Worse in the sense that it took almost 2 hours to get the vein to pop up above the nerves and tendons in K's arm that it was hiding under. Worse in the sense that when the nurse stuck K the first two times, K flexed and used her muscles to push the needle right back out of her arm (what can I say? My kid is tough! I can't lie, I'm just a teensy bit proud of her for that). Worse that no amount of singing her favorite song could calm her enough to let her face turn back to a normal color. Worse because I was actually in the room this time and my baby kept looking at me asking with her eyes why I was letting those people do that to her. Worse because she kept reaching for me and I kept holding her hand and letting it happen. Okay... enough of that. I'm far more traumatized than she was.
This afternoon - We came home from errands. I'd completely forgotten that today was the "big day" for my perfect-stranger-turned-friend. I got a message from her with a picture of her in my dress standing next to her new husband, beaming and absolutely gorgeous. I got a huge thank you and she had gotten tons of compliments. I listened to God and was able to help make her big day special and memorable. I was able to help her feel beautiful. I was able to be blessed on a day that God knew I would need it.
Because I listened to God.
And I don't feel like crying over my "missing" dress any more.

Yummies in my Tummy

I had a craving for comfort this week. I've got a trip home in a few weeks, taking K for the first time to my parents' home and watching my closest friend try on wedding dresses. The thought of everything I've missed and everything K will miss because of where we live had me homesick like you wouldn't believe. Homesickness does silly things to grocery shopping. I found myself wanting Kraft Macaroni and Cheese (double yuck) and English Muffin pizzas. I opted for the English Muffin pizzas. Done right, one English Muffin hits around 200-225 calories in pizza form. One muffin, a few grape tomatoes - sliced, 1/2 of mozzarella cheese stick - sliced, 2 TBS tomato sauce with onion powder, garlic powder, thyme and oregano. I tore a few basil pieces off my my basil plant to top it off. I'm a basil addict.

Aren't they cute?!?! English Muffin pizza, adult-style

Later this week, I realized I had one lonely avocado leftover from the guacamole I made. One avocado doesn't get us very far with guacamole in this house. We're a 3-4 avocado couple. Lucky for me, I also had one lonely red bell pepper leftover from an antipasto platter, a few ears of corn, tomatoes (a summer staple), a shallot and some limes, too. And don't forget the rest of the tortilla chips. 

Avocado Salsa

1 avocado, cut into tiny cubes

2 ears of corn

1 shallot, minced

1/2 red bell pepper, minced

1 tomato, finely diced

Juice of 1 lime

1 TBS olive oil

Garlic powder

Onion powder

Salt and pepper

Boil your corn and then cut corn from the cob. Carefully mix together avocado, corn, shallot, bell pepper and tomato. In a separate bowl, whisk together lime juice, olive oil, garlic and onion powders, salt and pepper. Slowly pour over avocado salsa while gently mixing. Serve with tortilla chips.

I am a HUGE fan of Daily Chef brand multi-grain tortilla chips from Sam's Club.

As long as I have Sam's, I will never buy another brand again

Just for show-off purposes, antipasto

Marinated mushrooms, parmesan, sopressata, ham, roasted red bells, mozzarella, herbed olives

Olive recipe to come, link to the marinated mushroom recipe:

http://natashaskitchen.com/2012/01/18/marinated-mushrooms-recipe/

Cupcakes and Kiddos

I've been promising a friend's kids that they could come over and decorate cupcakes with me so I finally decided today was the day. One wanted pink and the other wanted purple. I supposed I could have made this easy and bought a box, dying one half of the batter pink and one half purple but since when do I ever make baking that easy (or cheat like that)? So, instead, I decided to make an attempt at Koolaid cupcakes with regular purple buttercream frosting. I figured if you can add those silly flavor packets to your cupcake frosting that Duncan Hines sells, then you can totally use Koolaid packets to flavor your cupcakes. I was so right! I'm not sharing this recipe. My husband is always getting on me about giving away my recipe originals when I know I want to write a cookbook or open a bakery one day. I will say, though, that you can add Koolaid to your regular cupcake batter and end up with a yummy cupcake.

Adding the Koolaid resulted in a brightly colored, light and airy batter.

Yep, totally making these for K's first birthday

Aren't they pretty?!?! Perfect purple buttercream came from
39 drops of blue and 70 drops of red good ole fashioned
McCormick brand food coloring.

I'm in love with these cupcakes. There is a (very) slightly tart [strawberry] bite from the Koolaid but it cuts the overly sweet buttercream perfectly. I couldn't be happier with the cupcakes and won't be altering the recipe at all. The only problem I see is that the cupcakes are so, so light that it will be far too easy to eat too many.

Tolerance

In America, we have a very skewed idea of what tolerance is. Let me start off by saying what it is not. Tolerance is not the expectation that those with differing opinions, practices or beliefs must change their opinions, practices or beliefs to match the social norm. Tolerance also is not forcing those with differing opinions, practices or beliefs to "keep quiet and deal" with the social norm, pretending to agree though they do not. Tolerance is peacefully accepting that there will always be differing opinions, practices or beliefs. You do not have to agree in order to peacefully accept that fact. You can debate and still peacefully accept that fact. I do not have a problem with those people who are choosing to no longer support Chik-Fil-A. I do not have a problem with those people who have chosen to verbalize their disagreement. I do have a problem with those people who have resorted to name calling. If a Christian verbalizes personal beliefs that marriage should be reserved for a man and woman, (s)he is a bigot. If anyone verbalizes personal beliefs that marriage should be open to homosexuals and heterosexuals, alike, (s)he is brave and applauded for, in my opinion, doing no more than repeating what is socially expected and tolerated. How is calling anyone names any form of tolerance? Saying someone is a sinner isn't calling names from a Christian standpoint, it's sheer fact. It's not feeling superior, either. Christians do not feel they are above sinning or above sinners, Christians believe they are forgiven and loved despite sinning and despite being a sinner. Christians believe anyone can be forgiven and everyone is loved, despite sinning. Christians believe no-one is exempt from sin except God, Himself (and Jesus and the Holy Spirit, as they are one). There is no tolerance in name calling. There is no tolerance in calling someone ignorant. It saddens me to see how many people prefer to have the right to free speech taken than to truly tolerate the different beliefs, practices and opinions. All I ask is for tolerance, true tolerance. If you disagree with Mr. Cathy, show it with your wallet and/or your tolerant words, not with name calling. If you agree with Mr. Cathy, show it with your wallet and/or your tolerant words, not with name calling. After all, you'll catch more flies with honey than with vinegar.

Busy, Busy

Oh my goodness, today felt like go, go, go all day. By choice, of course. K is just getting over her cold. We had her in the Nap Nanny so she could breathe while she slept. Last night, we attempted to take the Nap Nanny away, assuming it would go just fine. We've done this before when she had allergies. She hated the Nap Nanny so she slept much better after we took it away. Not so much this time. Maybe she's still getting congested at night and we don't realize it? Either way, she was up from midnight until 3 screaming bloody murder. I'm honestly not sure if she slept after midnight at all. I know she didn't sleep a wink until 3 and then, after, any time I woke up, I could hear her babbling through the monitor. Needless to say, she is back in the Nap Nanny tonight. I woke up so exhausted, I was in physical pain and nauseous. I've got the best husband, though, and he took K so I could sleep a few more hours.

After waking for the day, we took a little drive to Babies R Us. I've really wanted to start making all of K's food myself. There's something extremely rewarding about knowing I took the time to cook and mash her food instead of popping open a jar. Not to mention the fact that it costs half as much to make her food as it does to buy the jar in most cases. Anyway, I'm on a rabbit trail. Our trip to Babies R Us was to buy some kind of food storage for freezing baby food in 2 ounce servings. Walmart had the Baby Bullet storage system for $19.99 but it only came with 6 containers. I had researched Babies R Us and found a 12 container system for $13.99 online and planned to buy that one after finding nothing at Walmart that would work (aside from the Baby Bullet). Once we got to Babies R Us, I found the store brand set that had 16 containers for $10.99. I bought two of those with a bunch of labeling stickers, came home and got straight to work. Today, I made 12 (2 oz) servings of carrots and apples, 6 (2 oz) servings of pears and 10 (2 oz) servings of sweet potatoes. Tomorrow I'll make some peaches.

Once I finished with the baby food, I started my freezer meals. I'm starting with just two of them to see how much I like it. It sounds amazing. Assemble ingredients in 1 gallon sized bags, freeze, dump in the crockpot in the AM and eat it in the PM. The great part about it, so far, is that I spent the same amount of money at the grocery store this week as I usually do but the two freezer meals I chose actually make 4 dinners so I'll have two dinners for a future week (or two). This week, I made Teriyaki Chicken and Lime Chicken with Black Beans and Corn. I found these recipes here:
http://www.ringaroundtherosies.net/2012/02/freezer-cooking.html
and here:
http://www.ringaroundtherosies.net/2012/04/more-freezer-cooking-meals-part-3.html
The Lime Chicken with Black Beans and Corn actually calls for cilantro but I can't stand the stuff so I left it out. Hopefully, removing it doesn't ruin the meal!

I finally organized the pantry and cleaned out the fridge. It really needed to be done. Remember in grade school when you wanted to organize your bedroom so you dug through the recycling, found cardboard (pasta, cereal, etc) boxes, cut them and glued paper on to them? No? Oh, maybe I was the only freak that wanted separate containers on my dresser for all of my things. Rabbit trail again... I had a point which was that is basically what I did. With the potential of the hubs separating when his enlistment is over in a year, I'm on a mad budgeting and squirreling spree. I wasn't about to run to HomeGoods or Ikea or even the Dollar Store to buy containers when I had a huge pad of colored paper, some good old Elmer's and lots of recyclables waiting to disappear. It might not be the prettiest of pantries but it works and it works darn well. I can actually see everything in there right now! I have things that I can use in the future for dinner that I never would have thought to use since it required digging to find them!

And, finally, dinner. After getting in one last nap, of course. Pork chops. We planned for steak but the choices at the store were less than awesome while the pork chops looked amazing. It doesn't hurt that pork chops are cheaper than steak, either. I browsed Pinterest and found this:
http://www.kalynskitchen.com/2008/05/grilled-pork-chops-recipe-with-soy.html
Which sounds amazing, right? Only, I have this issue with following recipes and I didn't have 4 hours to marinade the chops so I tweaked. My version was delicious, though!

Salt and Spicy Grilled Pork Chops
1/2 cup water
1/2 cup soy sauce
Juice of 2 (juicy) limes
1/2 tsp cumin
1/2 tsp oregano
1/8 tsp cayenne powder
2 cloves of garlic, minced
2 boneless, thick cut pork chops
Place all ingredients, except pork chops, in a gallon sized ziplock bag and swish it up. Using a fork, poke holes all over both sides of the chops. Place chops in the bag, lay them on their side in a container and squeeze the air from the bag before zipping it shut. Marinade for 2 hours in the refrigerator before grilling to desired doneness.
If you're not a fan of spicy, you may want to just use a sprinkle of cayenne or nix it altogether. The 1/8 of a tsp, leaves a nice heat.

So Crispy

After the last few days, I've decided I'm a bit more "crunchy" than I would have believed I'd be before K was born. Not only do I cloth diaper, I had a conversation about "stripping" cloth diapers. I made food for K for the first time today and, no, I don't mean boob-juice. I cooked up the sweet potatoes, pureed them and fed them to her for dinner (she was not a fan). I wore her around the house for no reason other than to comfort her. She has a bad cold and is a little more sensitive than usual. The hubs was vacuuming and it scared her so I took off her dress, put on my Moby Wrap, pulled up my shirt to expose my jiggly belly and tucked her in to the wrap (skin on skin contact for additional comfort. It still calms her better than anything else). Then we followed Daddy around while he vacuumed so we could comfortably calm her fears of that noisy contraption. By the end, she was even touching the vacuum while it was turned on! The last, those who have heard me talk about this thing will know what a big deal this is, really grosses me out to think about. I NoseFrida'd her face. I used the snot sucker. It was a moment of complete desperation. She couldn't eat without pausing to gasp for air every few seconds and those little bulb aspirators were not doing the trick so I had Luke bust out the NoseFrida. In retrospect, I'm so glad no one else was able to take it. As long as I close my eyes and make Luke do everything but the sucking, we're okay. I almost lost my breakfast all over K's face this morning when he didn't take it away fast enough and I saw the glob of snot sitting in the sucker. It was reassuring to know the snot doesn't go anywhere near the filter but not reassuring enough to keep my gag reflex from kicking into high gear. It really does work better than any other aspirator but it takes a lot to get passed the fact that I'm literally sucking snot from her nose. We've used it a few times today. It got out the mucous that the bulb aspirator left behind. That was the snot that was keeping her from breathing while eating. I'll still be discussing this creepy contraption with her doctor tomorrow, though. Paranoia needs me to check to be sure the stronger vacuum of my sucking won't hurt her in anyway. She'll need to be seen anyway since the snot is very not clear. This cold is proof that it does not matter how often you wash your hands or how often you use sanitizer or how often you bathe your child or whether or not you let random people touch her. As long as other moms will send a child to your house/playdate without first informing you that the child has been sick, is sick or is coming down with some illness, your child is pretty likely to get sick. Unless, of course, you hermit your child away from other children which isn't a really fun life to live. Moms - common courtesy, if you're child is sick, keep him/her home.

Anyway, I supposed I filled my quota of recipes but I'm having fun with this so I shall share a recipe review regardless.

I made this today for dessert:
http://elizabethsedibleexperience.blogspot.com/2009/03/cake-cravings.html
Amazing doesn't begin to describe this pound cake. It's phenomenal. Fantastic. Scrumptious. Divine. Go make it. Now.
Okay, so maybe you're looking for a better description. I thought I died and went to heaven when I licked the batter off my fingers between filling the cake pan (I used a smaller pan) and filling some muffin tins. I could have eaten the entire bowl before baking it. I'm so, so glad temptation didn't get the better of me. I expected something extremely dense but, despite the richness, it wasn't. And the outside... Oh my gosh, what can I say about those crispy edges of baked sugary goodness? Only that you need to try it yourself. I froze all but one of the cupcakes already so I wouldn't eat them all in one day. I figure that's okay since I have the whole cake left.

Topped, of course, with some strawberries and

homemade whipped cream. 

(No, I did not milk the cow. Not THAT

homemade).

This leads me into another fun experience today. I will never, ever again eat strawberries without cutting them up first. As I was cutting the yummy fellows for my dessert, I came across a worm inside a berry. It wiggled at me. I almost dumped the entire carton. Oh but the cake! I'm so glad I didn't dump those strawberries. The cake could easily stand alone as dessert but with the strawberries and whipped cream... Like I said, you need to try it yourself.

Oh!Em!Gee!

Today's recipe is brought to you by Hershey and the makers of my imagination. Which wasn't really running rampant tonight, just chasing after a craving. Because this recipe is so awesome it deserves it's own blog post devoted just and only to the recipe, I shall cut right to the chase.

Campfire Brownie Pie
1/2 cup stick butter, melted
1 cup sugar
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 eggs
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1/3 Hershey's cocoa
1/4 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
2/3 cup marshmallow fluff
2 graham crackers, crushed
Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Mix butter, sugar and vanilla together. Beat in eggs one at a time. In a separate bowl combine flour, cocoa powder, baking powder and salt. Slowly stir dry ingredients into wet ingredients. Pour into a greased 9 inch pie pan. Drop marshmallow fluff onto the brownie batter by spoonfuls. Swirl the marshmallow fluff through the brownie batter. Top with crushed graham crackers. Bake for 35 minutes. Be a fat kid and enjoy!
*Ingredients and steps in italics are not my own. I used the recipe for Hershey's Best Brownies*
You can find that recipe here: http://www.hersheys.com/pure-recipes/details.aspx?id=5008&name=Best+Brownies#share_modal

The marshmallow fluff doesn't bake up all puffy and get int the way of the brownie. Not that I'd mind if it did but it just added extra oooomf! to the brownies. I could still see and taste the fluff that baked on top, just under the graham cracker crumbs, but anything that baked below the surface of the brownies turned the brownies into ooooey gooooooey chocolately decadence. I'm repeating my mantra for the night as I type, "All things in moderation. All things in moderation. All things in moderation." My will power is about to screw moderation and eat another piece or two... Or seven.

What's a brownie without a little ice cream?

Or whipped cream?

Or second helpings?

I've been slacking so today is a three-fer. I don't have any excuse for why I missed the last three days. Wait, I lied. I missed Friday because I'd posted a blog but not a recipe. It just didn't seem right to add a recipe to the blog and I completely meant to come back but, as you can tell by my current rambling, I get sidetracked really easily.

So before I go off on anymore rabbit trails...

Dried Fruit. Specifically pineapple. I got the idea and the basics on how to oven-dry fruit here http://joyinmykitchen.blogspot.com/2009/03/dried-fruit.html and then ran with it. I've never before read anything from that blog but I am so glad I found the one about dried fruit! Dried pineapple is seriously addictive and it's sweet enough to replace candy.
I did a few things differently. First, I used fresh fruit and a mandolin slicer set to slice paper-thin. Second, I skipped the parchment paper, used a non-stick cookie sheet and dried on the top shelf only. Mostly because I recently ran out of parchment paper and have not been back to the store to buy more of it. Paper-thin slices of fruit take about an hour to dry, flipping the slices 3/4 of the way through the dry-time to keep them from baking to the pan (this is where the parchment paper would have come super handy. Oh, and being able to use both oven racks).
My husband isn't a huge fan of dried fruit. He usually sticks with prunes and complaining because he can never find bags of dried pears (only) at the store. His least favorite has always been pineapple... Until now. I feel quite accomplished. Since dried pineapple has always been my favorite, I'm pleased with this news.

Honey-mustard. I know, I know. Mix honey and mustard, BAM! Honey-mustard. Buuuuuuuut if you really think it's that simple, you haven't met my husband. This bottle is too sweet, that one is too spicy, there's too much honey, too much mustard, it doesn't taste like Dijon... The list goes on and on and on. So I started making honey-mustard sauce at home. I managed to come up with the perfect balance of sweet, dijony heat for his picky palate.
1/4 cup Dijon Mustard (for the hubs, it must be Grey Poupon)
3 TBS honey
1/2 tsp garlic powder
A few cracks of fresh pepper
Whisk it all together and voila! Sweet heat honey dijon. It doesn't look like much but I don't like honey mustard and I'll eat this. Or dip some chicken in it, coat in bread crumbs and bake it up nice and crispy.                             


If you receive Rachael Ray's magazine (and read it religiously like I do), you probably would have seen the Antipasto Pasta recipe that I saw (found here: http://www.rachaelraymag.com/recipe/antipasto-pasta/) If you saw that and then saw me post a recipe, you'd probably assume I took inspiration from the recipe in the magazine. I'd be a liar if I told you I didn't. I have a problem. My problem is in following recipes as they are written. I love to use them for inspiration but I'm a bit of a rebel so something almost always changes. Are you curious yet?

Antipasto Pasta Salad
1/2 lb Orzo pasta (or your choice of pasta)
3/4 cup of cubed mozzarella cheese (I cubed mine up teeny-tiny to give more bites)
10 pepperoncini sliced thin
1/2 cup kalamata olives, halved
3 sundried tomato halves, minced
1 (14.5 oz) can artichoke hearts, drained
5 slices sandwich pepperoni, cut into pieces
5 slices Genoa salami, cut into pieces
1 cup cherry tomatoes, halved
2-3 TBS extra virgin olive oil
2-3 TBS red wine vinegar
1 tsp Italian seasoning blend
A few cracks fresh ground pepper
Cook the orzo according to package instructions. Cool by running under cold water. Toss first 8 ingredients with pasta in a large bowl. Drizzle with oil and vinegar and sprinkle with herb blend and pepper. Toss to coat well.

What You Can't Understand Until You've Lived It

This morning in a group I am part of the question was asked, "How long do you wait after finding out you're pregnant before buying anything." Having been through that hell and back, how do you put into words the need for something to hold on to when that need doesn't come until so far later? If I had made any baby purchases with our first pregnancies, all of the stuff I might have purchased would have been boxed away when the pregnancies were cut short. There's no way I could have gotten rid of it but there's also no way I could have seen it. I may have been angry with myself for buying it all. Then again, I may not have been. It wasn't until long after the last due date that the longing kicked in. What I would have done for something to hold on to! With each pregnancy, I made it far enough along for an ultrasound but clinic policies don't do ultrasounds until hCG levels hit certain numbers. My pregnancies never progressed like they were supposed to, even from the very beginning. Numbers didn't double because my hormones didn't increase like they should have. I never even had an ultrasound picture. I had nothing. What so many people don't understand is that a miscarriage is a legitimate loss. You may not have met your little person and you may not have ever seen that little person but the hopes, dreams and love is there from the minute that first test comes back positive (in cases where the pregnancy is wanted and welcomed). The pain of loss is not something that goes away with time. With time, you learn to live with it and you learn to find the silver lining and positive aspects of having been pregnant but the knowledge that your baby existed, even if for just a few weeks, and the knowledge that your baby died and the hurt of the baby that passed on will never go away. It was around the 2nd anniversary of the first baby's due date (what could have been the 1st birthday) that I started wanting something tangible, something to show each baby was here but I had no idea that's what was making it hurt so bad. Luke was deployed and I was going through it alone that time. I'd be a liar if I told you I didn't wallow in self-pity for any length of time while the hurt burned a new hole in my heart where the old one had started to heal. A good friend and her mom, noticing the sudden change in mood, bought me teddy bears and a Willow Tree figurine. That was when I realized how badly I wanted something to prove my babies were mine and were real because, after time passes, you realize everyone else forgets but you; you don't forget and you never will. But how badly still I wish I had just bought a book or a soothie blanket or a teddy bear when I was pregnant. The bears are not my babies' bears, they're my babies replacement. They're a huge comfort and I still snuggle those bears when I feel lonely (yes, even with K, I long for them terribly) but they're my bears. It's not the same. It's so completely not the same that I'm beginning to see the bears as K's bears; the explanation, the tangible toys, she can hold to help her understand that she is not the first though she is the oldest.

But, you see, it's too hard to explain that until you've come as far as I have. You cannot explain the loss to someone who has never felt it and you can't explain the desire to someone who is still angry and hurt. Don't wait until 12 weeks or a heartbeat to buy your baby something! Just a book is enough. K has a book, Oh Baby, Go Baby! by Dr. Seuss, that I bought as soon as I found out I was pregnant. I wrote a letter to her on the inside cover explaining how much I love her, my dreams for her future and how happy I was to know she was there no matter what the outcome. By the time K was in our lives, I knew I would want her book one day and I knew if I would get the chance to hold her happy, wiggling self, I would have a beautiful love note from Mommy to baby that she could hold forever. Don't throw away the teddy bear or onesie or book you bought just because baby didn't make it. One day, that item may be the one thing you have left when you long for something to hold tight. My replacement bears grounded me. They were my anchor at night when I felt like the hurt caused by the date on the calendar would tear me to pieces by the time the sun rose. One day, they will be the toys K squeezes when she is old enough to know. They'll be her anchor when she longs for the older siblings she'll have to wait to meet.

Baby Boxing and Zucchini

The week before K was born, while I had still been procrastinating on the coming home outfit, a friend stopped by with a baby gift. One of the items in the bag was the most adorable NB size onesie with a fluffy black tutu. There was no question about it, that was going to be part of K's coming home ensemble. She outgrew the onesie about 5 months ago (after wearing it as often as I could wash it) but I haven't been able to bring myself to pack it up and put it away. I've been planning for some time now to make a shadow box so I can display it with the rest of the little things I want to keep from the hospital but shadow boxes are so expensive! Yesterday, we took a trip to Michael's so I could get a hot glue gun to start creating the decorations for a certain friend's July baby shower when I just happened to walk by the shadow box section in search of the hot glue gun aisle. I'm so glad I did! The store had a pretty decent selection of clearance shadow boxes. $6.99 instead of $36.99? SOLD! Two napping babies this morning (I'm babysitting today) gave me enough time to create my shadow box and blog about it. I am one happy camper today. We've decided to turn the wall along the stairs leading to the third floor into "K's Wall." By the end of the year, I'm sure it will be covered in far too many pictures to hold any more. I'm obsessed with my child and I can admit it. The plan is to have all different styles and colors of frames so when I saw a mahogany shadow box with a black background, I was quite pleased. I do most of my frame shopping at the Dollar Tree and I haven't seen any frames in anything close to mahogany. The shadow box didn't take long to create, either, which is a huge plus. I'm debating whether to change the onesie so the arms are crossed across the front or to place the headband that she wore home on a diagonal across the front of the onesie. Until I make that decision, which may never happen, I'll just display it how it is.

Yesterday, I mentioned the zucchini that inspired the homemade pasta sauce. I halfed and hollowed out that sucker, stuffed it up and baked it for dinner last night. The hubs had never had stuffed zucchini before but he was quite pleased with it. It's pretty easy to make, the only really time consuming part is carving out the inside of the zucchini. I suppose you could use a melon baller but, because I don't have one, I just use a spoon. I also suppose you could stuff it any old way you want. I think it would be quite delicious with taco meat, onions, enchilada sauce, chili peppers and cheddar cheese. Use my recipe for dinner or use it for inspiration but definitely try a stuffed zucchini. The best part is that the kiddos can help fill the zucchini and top it with cheese which might make it more interesting for them to try.

Stuffed Zucchini (Italian Style) (Zucchini Boats)

-1 large zucchini

-1 cup pasta sauce

-1 cup ground Italian sausage, cooked (if not using pasta sauce with sausage in it)

-1/2 onion, diced

-1/2 bell pepper, diced

-2 (at least) garlic cloves, minced

-1/2 cup cooked brown rice (or bread crumbs or small pasta like orzo, optional)

-1/2 cup (or more) shredded/grated cheese (I like Parmesan)

-1-2 TBS olive oil

 Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. 

Saute peppers, onion and garlic in olive oil until soft. Stir in pasta sauce, rice and sausage. Cut zucchini in half lengthwise. Hollow out the two halves and fill with sauce mixture. Top with cheese. Bake at 350 degrees with 30-40 minutes for a slightly crisp zucchini or 50-60 minutes for a soft zucchini.

Seven Days of Cookery

I've decided to get back into the swing of writing and keeping my miniscule audience updated, I'll be cooking something, either from scratch or partially from scratch, everyday for the next seven days. It may or may not be my own recipe but, even if it's not a 100% original Deborah Sue, you'll at least get a recipe review out of reading. Oh, and plenty of silly stories about my munchkin.

I'll start with the stories today because my child is far more fascinating than food.

I'm pretty sure it's safe to say we had our first real temper tantrum yesterday. Two of them, actually. I've heard a lot of "babies don't have personalities until they're 6 months old." I call bologna on that one. K has had the exact same personality since Day 1, the only differences between 6 months and 2 months are the fact that she doesn't sleep nearly as much anymore so she has more time to assert her opinion and that she now understands a little better how to let me know what she does or does not want to do.
Example #1 - I know my kid hates peas. The first time I fed them to her, the little drama queen sat there making gagging noises despite the fact that the peas were on her tongue and not in her throat, forced a few coughs and cried. We tried them again last night. She took the first mouthful, projectile spat them back in my face (yes, she SPAT with enough force to land mashed peas all over my face), scowled and screamed with enough force to turn beet red. After letting out her scream, she clamped her little lips shut and sat grunting at me until I switched the spoonful to peaches. I kept trying to switch it out on her but she's too smart for the switcheroo. After one bite of a food she doesn't like, she'll stick her little tongue between her pursed lips to take a tiny taste off the spoon before she'll open for the next bite. Luckily, Mommy is bigger and Mommy is smarter so I was able to get about a 2 oz serving of peas down into her belly before the crocodile-tear-screamfest-meltdown started.
Example #2 - After dinner, she gets a sippy cup with water. Just plain, filtered water, no juice. She loves her newest sippy cup. It's a soft-lip cup and is easier for her to use then the hard plastic tops. She even does better with her sippy cup than she does with a bottle. After letting her food settle, I tried to put her in her jumperoo so I could wash her dishes with both hands. I might be overprotective but I don't allow her to keep her sippy cup if she's in the bouncer. She tries to launch herself out of that thing and she waves and throws her cup around while doing it. I made the mistake of letting her hold her cup up until the point she landed her tush in her jumperoo. When I took it away from her, her entire body went rigid, her face turned red, she started shaking like the Hulk and started screaming and crying. We spent the last weekend in New Jersey visiting my family and I cannot tell you how many times it was commented that "Katie is JUST like her mother was when I was a baby." I'm beginning to see why my Mom and Dad repeatedly told me while I was pregnant that they hope Katie turned out just like I did so I would understand. I've heard said that if the first one's a beast, the second is usually an angel. I really hope that's true because we're in for a world of crazy with this little wildebeest of a baby.

One of my favorite parts about summer and warmer months is the produce. I'm not a big fan of zucchini unless it's at it's peak freshness and stuffed Italian-style or baked into bread. When we went grocery shopping yesterday, I found the zucchini large enough and cheap enough to mean it's coming into peak season and my first thought was immediately to stuff them. Mostly because I didn't feel like creating a menu and a shopping list yesterday so I got to the store and just went off of what I found there. Part of stuffing a zucchini "Italian-style" is having an amazing pasta sauce. I don't use jarred sauce anymore. In the summer when tomatoes are fresh and dirt cheap, I'll use those but right now when they aren't quite in season yet, I have no problem substituting canned tomatoes. Pasta sauce is a labor of love. I suppose you could just throw the ingredients together and let it simmer for 30-60 minutes but it won't taste amazing. I don't settle. When I make pasta sauce, I make enough to freeze because it's an all-day affair.

Fauxmade Pasta Sauce
3 (28 oz) cans of crushed tomatoes*
1 (14.5 oz) can of canned pureed tomatoes or tomato sauce (unflavored, like these
http://www.hunts.com/products/tomatoes/tomato-sauce)*
1 (14.5 oz) can of diced tomatoes*
1 (6 oz) can of tomato paste*
1 large vidalia (or yellow) onion, chopped
4 cloves garlic, chopped
1 TBS (or more) basil
1 TBS (or more) oregano
3 tsp (or more) garlic powder
2 tsp (or more) thyme
Fresh cracked black pepper and salt, to taste
2 bay leaves
1-2 TBS white sugar
2 TBS olive oil
2 lbs ground Italian sausage
Crushed red pepper flakes, to taste (optional)
In the bottom of a large stock pot, saute the onion and garlic in olive oil until translucent. Add all canned tomatoes, spices and bay leaves (don't add the sugar yet!). In a separate saute pan, brown Italian sausage. Add to tomato sauce and simmer for at least 1 hour. Stir in sugar. At this point, taste the sauce and add spices if desired, especially if you won't be simmering it for much more than an hour. The longer the sauce simmers, the more flavorful it will be which is why I simmer for anywhere between 3 and 8 hours. If you plan to simmer longer, you can wait longer to start adjusting the flavor of the sauce. Be sure to remove the bay leaves before eating!

*I rarely use name brand tomatoes. As long as the ingredient list on the can is about 2 or 3 ingredients long and the first ingredient is tomatoes, you should be fine. One of my favorites is actually the Walmart brand of no salt added. In my opinion, it's the brand that tastes closest to fresh tomatoes and I'm kind of a tomato snob. It definitely helps that the cans are so cheap, too!

If you plan to use fresh tomatoes instead of canned, your sauce will be amazingly delicious. I use a minimum of 5 lbs and roast them in the oven at 400 degrees like you would roast bell peppers. After allowing them to char in the oven, I put them in a bag to steam so the skin peels easily. Chop them up a bit or just dump them into a stock pot with your onion and seasonings (no bay leaf until after blending). They'll cook down a little soupy at which point a swirl with an immersion blender will give you a cheater-method to a fresh pasta sauce that is absolutely amazing.

YUMS!

I'm just gonna start this off by saying I don't have pictures. The "salsa" recipe will possibly have a picture tomorrow but the cacciatore isn't the prettiest meal out there and I want you to try it so there won't ever be a picture. It's delicious, I just can't imagine how I could get it to photograph nicely. Plus, my camera's battery is almost dead, I can't find the charger and my child does far too many cute things to waste any battery power on a less-than-pretty dinner. I'm just gonna cut to the chase here.

Chicken Cacciatore:
5 bone-in, skin on chicken thighs
2 small onions, large chopped
2 cups sweet peppers, chopped
5 garlic cloves, fine minced
1 14 oz carton of baby portabella mushrooms, quartered
1 28 oz can diced tomatoes, drained
2 14.5 oz cans stewed tomatoes
A few TBS olive oil
1 TBS Worcestershire sauce
2 tsp dried basil
Salt and pepper
1/2 tsp garlic powder
1/2 tsp onion powder
Flour for dredging

Pat the chicken thighs dry, sprinkle on both sides with salt and pepper and dredge in flour. Fry on each side until lightly browned (about 5 minutes/side) in a large pot with enough olive oil to coat the bottom. Don't overcrowd the bottom! Remove chicken from pot and place on a plate. Add onions, peppers and garlic to the pot and cook, stirring frequently, about 3-5 minutes, just until onion begins to become translucent. Add mushrooms and cook about 2-3 more minutes before adding tomatoes, Worcestershire, garlic powder, onion powder and basil. Return chicken to pot. Bring pot to boil, reduce heat to simmer and cook chicken covered, turning and basting occasionally, until chicken is cooked thoroughly, about 40-45 minutes. I cooked it longer, a little longer than an hour) since we gave the munchkin a bath while it was on the stove. The chicken stayed moist (from all the tomato juice) and just became super tender and delicious. Serve it over rice or pasta and it's amazing.

Grilled Corn Salsa:
6 ears of sweet corn
1 red bell pepper
3 medium avocados, diced
Juice of 2 limes (about 1/4 cup)
Garlic powder, onion powder, salt and pepper to taste

Grill corn and bell pepper until slightly charred. Cut corn off cob and dice the bell pepper. Combine corn, bell pepper and avocado in a large bowl. Add the lime juice and gently mix. Add spices to taste. Serve cooled with tortilla chips (or just be really impatient like me and eat it warm with a spoon straight from the bowl. It's still delicious).

Not So Blue

I'm feeling much better today. I know what I think and I'm positive I've come to the right conclusion.

On a different note, cloth diapering is going pretty well. We had one leak and quickly resolved it when I realized I had the "grow with me" style diaper snapped on buttons that made it too big. We tried cloth diaper overnight the first night but Katie could feel when she was wet and she wasn't having it. That night, we used prefolds and they just weren't cutting it. We switched to disposables overnight for a week and tonight we're trying pocket diapers. Hopefully she doesn't feel the wetness and will sleep through the night. I'm going to have another pocket dipe hanging out ready to go for when she wakes up. If she wakes up too soon, though, it will be back to sposies overnight. Luckily, it's not that I'm trying to save the world by using cloth so we'll just have to keep a pack of sposies around for overnights. Won't be bad, though, since the organic, all naturals come with a little more than 30 in a pack so one pack, in theory should last a few weeks. As for what I think of CD, it's not nearly as gross as I'd always thought. It's actually quite easy to thoroughly clean the diapers and, if you get the right style, you can bleach anything that touches poo. HUGE bonus for me. HUGE. It also helps that Luke has no problem helping to clean the cloth diapers. I know I'm incredibly lucky to have a husband that takes such an active role in baby-related chores...

...Unless it's night time. Break for funny story:
Two nights ago, K farted herself awake in the middle of the night. She'd had HORRENDOUS gas and I swear she had lifted off from her cradle due to the strength of her gaseous emissions. I swore she'd pooped her pants (and probably coated the cradle, too) and was not feeling like moving around in the middle of the night to clean her butt when I'd FINALLY fallen asleep after feeding her. I had noticed Luke had sat up to peek at her when she farted so I knew he was awake. I leaned over and asked him to change her diaper but he just laid there acting like he was sleeping. I figured I'd take the chance and accused him of pretending to sleep. He managed to hold a straight "sleeping" face for a minute but as I droned on about how he claimed to be more than willing to get up and help in the middle of the night, the corners of his mouth started to twitch until, finally, he couldn't hold back his laughter anymore and he admitted he was faking sleep so I'd change her butt. Needless to say, I stayed cozy in bed while he tended to Tater's tush.

K has also started "solid" foods. I put solids in quotes since, really, it's more soup than solid. Just a TBS of rice cereal mixed in with a few ounces of breastmilk. We'd been given the advice to add the rice cereal to a bottle since it's so soupy but she won't touch it if it's in a bottle. If it's spoon fed, on the other hand, she acts like I'm feeding her little nuggets of chocolate gold and she can't possibly get enough. Seriously, the only time rice cereal has hit her bib is when I've dropped it out of the spoon or when she got too greedy, tried to grab the spoon to get it to her mouth faster and succeeding only in knocking the spoon from my hand. My little piggy. It's great to know she likes the stuff, though! I won't have to feel guilty for handing her to a sitter or be away and wonder if she'll take a bottle now (PS - my kid finds bottles to be the most repulsive thing ever). All the sitter needs is a spoon, a bowl, some rice cereal mix and some breastmilk. It's been one week on rice cereal. We have one more week before we change it over to oatmeal cereal. After two weeks of oatmeal cereal, we'll go to veggies. Hopefully, we don't come across any more food allergies.

And, hopefully I'll remember to pick up a new SD card for my camera soon here so I can take videos of all her firsts.

Bubble Gum

Bubble gum chewed up, spat out on the sidewalk and stuck between the pavement and a shoe, at the point where it hasn't yet pulled away from either the shoe or the pavement. The point when it's super sticky between them both and it might stick to one or the other but you aren't yet sure if the bigger glob will be left on the pavement or on your shoe.




Today, I'm the gum. Especially if the gum is like Switzerland and would rather not be pulled or pushed at all because no one wants to see the mess the gum will leave behind when it sticks. Not really anything I want to get into details about. Sorry, I hate cryptic writing but today's my turn to passively discuss my dilemmas with the whole 5 people that read this blog and still not really explain what's crackin in my world.

I'm ready for Luke to get home and make me feel better by listening.

Stinky Booties!

I am going to be that mom. I'm going to be that mom I said I was never going to be able to be. We're going to the dark side... Though some may argue and say we're going green. I'll be 100% upfront and honest about it. This has absolutely nothing to do with our environment. I'm not that selfless.

I don't understand how cloth diapering can be "better for the environment." Maybe if you use 100% organic and biodegradable detergent (let's not forget organic doesn't always equal good for you or good for the environment) so you aren't polluting the water supply with your additional laundry but most people don't do that. Even then, it's transported by means of vehicle so, unless you're sure the company at least runs hybrids and the factory/buildings run off water/sun/wind energy, pollutants are being dumped into the air.

That's an entirely different blog, though. We've decided to switch to cloth because of the potential health risks for K associated with disposable diapers. From the baby-dry gel leaking out of one brand of diapers and sticking to K's skin (I had to scrape it off with my fingernail) to reports of possible chemical burn-type rashes from another brand using the same technology, possibilities of carcinogenic chemicals and chemicals that may increase the risk of fertility issues later, we decided we'd rather be safe than sorry. Our original thought process had been that K wasn't suffering any rashes (as long as the gel wasn't stuck to her. She did have rashes with that brand) so why fix it if it ain't broke.Then I read more and more studies of the other possible risks. The biggest and scariest, the icing on the cake, was the possibility of fertility issues. If you've known us long enough, you know it took three miscarriages and hormone treatment during pregnancy to finally get our little bundle of joy. I already worry that K will have a hard time starting a family because I did. If there is any chance I can protect her from the heartache we went through, I would do it in a heartbeat. L and I had a long, serious discussion and decided that the extra work will be worth it looking back. I'd rather find in 20 years that this was all bologna and 'sposies are perfectly safe than find in 20 years that it was all true and feel tremendous guilt if my daughter struggles to build her family. Our second thought process was that we could stock up on the all natural, organic diapers each time they went on sale. We bought two packets in different brands to test if they'd work for K. Five soak-throughs later, we figured we were doing just as much work just to throw each diaper away and grab a new one. Not to mention the fact that, not on sale, the packet of 35 diapers costs almost $15 and with the regular diapers we were already spending about $60/month in diapers and only that little because we were buying bulk. The all-natural diapers didn't have the bulk-buy option and a packet of 35 lasts just a few days.

I know cloth diapers are expensive upfront. Trust me, we just made our first purchase and some of them we bought consigned (it's not as gross as you think. I'll explain later). Anyway, they are pricey upfront but, if we are able to have more than one kid, we'll be set for diapers! We might buy a few more shells or a few more inserts but we won't need as many and we won't be spending close to $700/year in disposables. One person told me you have to use all natural soap but I later found the hypo-allergenic detergent (which I have to use anyway) is just fine so that doesn't even have to change. The only area that did change will be how I do my laundry. I am OCD about poopie clothes in my washing machine. I wash my clothing in there, poop is not going in there. I've been told that the way I feel is entirely unnecessary but I can't get passed it. We bought two buckets and will be doing this the old fashioned way. The way my MIL told us because it's what she was told is most sanitary. All the diapers will be cleaned before going through a hot water wash in the washing machine. I'm not cross contaminating dooties with my clothing. No way, no how. They will also be line dried during the summer. We have space for it and it keeps staining to a negative.

Now, on to consigned diapers. The ones we bought have 0, that's right, ZERO difference from the brand-spanking-new ones on the same shelf. We were selective about what was consigned, too. The type of shell where the poo doesn't touch the shell, we bought consigned. You could tell the difference. The ones that poo did touch looked faded, used and some of them were stained. We bought all new inserts. The inserts do the absorbing work. No way in Hell, Michigan was I going to buy used inserts. For the shells where the insert goes under part of the shell, we paid a little extra to buy brand new. Probably unnecessary but I'm OCD about poo. Trust me, anyone who says, "Oh, you might not like poo now but you'll be able to handle it when it's your own child's poo," is a complete liar. K's messiest diapers still make me gag or puke a bit in my mouth. Her poop isn't a magical potion that has transformed the way I handle bathroom business for the rest of my life. It's still poop, it's still disgusting, it's still unsanitary, it still isn't cute. But that's another rabbit trail.

I guess this update is good enough here. I've already talked your brain off with my cloth diapering escapade blog. I'll post pictures of the diapers once they're all cleaned (yep, even the brand new ones are taking a trip through the hot water cycle before touching my kid's tush. I told you, OCD about poop). I'll explain the two kinds we bought. I'll probably tell you the price tag. By the end of the week, we'll have chosen our diapers and will need to get a few more so I'll explain that price tag, too. Which is good because, apparently, you can't use regular butt rash cream with cloth diapers so I need to go back for the special stuff.

Here is one of the many websites that discusses the potential issues with disposable diapers:
http://www.livestrong.com/article/111348-chemicals-disposable-diapers/
A Google search will bring so many more but I figure Livestrong is pretty well-known so I'd start your educational process there.

Sibling Rivalry

OOOOO! I hate passionately loathe the type of rivalry that has existed between my older brother and I since highschool. I understand how it started but the mentality behind it is stupid. I don't get along with my mom, almost at all. My brother doesn't get along with my dad very well but they at least have more in common and get along better than my mom and I. Yet, for some reason, he feels the need to compete to gain more attention. To prove he's the better of the two of us. Then he got married and sucked his new wife into all of it. 

For some reason, I was expected (by them) to be elated at the news of their pregnancy despite her publicly announcing that the news of my pregnancy (which happened before she became pregnant) was "the worst news she ever could have received." Why? Because mine was first? Because Luke and I got married almost 3 full years earlier and had been trying for a baby for a full 2 years only to be met with losses and struggles and they'd been married 3 months and hadn't gotten pregnant first? So, when having the first grandbaby didn't happen, I was supposed to be jealous because, though mine was first, theirs was the first grandSON. Is a baby not a blessing if it isn't a boy? After all the years and all the heartache it took to get my precious daughter, how could I ever be upset that she isn't a he? My healthy baby girl is the best thing that has ever happened to us. Once they realized that the news that K is a she and L is a he didn't upset me, then in started the wedding competition. There's will be "just like mine was only at a fancier place with fancier food. It's going to be huge." I don't understand why that would bother me. My wedding was already bigger and fancier than I ever wanted it to be. The wedding plans I had hoped for included a simple white dress, hay bales covered in cloth for seats, located in the gorgeous green alfalfa pasture with a reception lit by paper lanterns and the stars. I wanted 50 guests, 75 at most. I wanted my intimate day to be shared only with our closest friends and family. The wedding I had was in a huge (gorgeous, but huge), fancy church with a big, poofy dress and a reception in a glass room with a patio covered in white tents filled with 150 guests. When that didn't work, the pregnancy competition picked up. Who was going to get more attention? Do I really care? That became so obvious, I began getting emails from family and family friends informing me they were purposely not paying attention to her because she was obviously trying to "steal the spotlight." It was comforting to know people cared that much about my feelings but it was entirely unnecessary. I don't feel the need to compete with my brother, his wife or his baby. I have a happy life, I have love and I have my miracle. I have what I need and I have so much of what I want. K came late but I took her home on my birthday. She couldn't have come at a more perfect time. I brought my miracle home on my birthday. The day after K came home, the SIL ended up in the hospital with phantom contractions and posted it all over facebook. I call them "phantom" because though she claimed to be having contractions, the contraction monitor couldn't find them. How odd? It must have been a medical equipment malfunction, obviously. Now, it's the milestone competition. I don't understand that about mothers. It's one thing to be proud of your child, it's another to try to use your child's milestones/accomplishments to try to hurt another mom. If we're going to play that game, let's set the record straight, K rolled from belly to back for the first time at 4 weeks, almost to the day. He was 5+ weeks. K rolled entirely on her own. L needed to be positioned on his side with his arm tucked under his side and in front of his chest so it was out of his way so he could roll. K propped herself up on her elbows and pushed off with her right arm and her right leg to roll herself over her left arm and onto her back. 


I am so entirely over this competition. My Dad always advised that I ignore it completely and act like I don't notice but the more I ignore, the more intense they become in their attempts to show me how much better they are. To make matters worse, it's being exacerbated by my MOTHER. That's right, my mom is encouraging it with comments like, "Debi was always Dad's favorite" and "Debi can't do anything wrong according to Ron (dad)" and "Ron is always praising Debi and putting everyone else down." She seems to have forgotten already how Dad has lectured me time and time again for my temper, my mouth, my inability to just let things slide. She's right, Dad is proud of me. Dad is also proud of Dan but the other two siblings don't feel threatened by Dan. I'm not really sure why, he and I have a lot in common, the only difference being that he struggles with weight management. Neither of us have ever needed to be bailed out, we both always managed to get our work done on time and get it done well, neither of us party hard or drink (though I have struggled with both of those, mainly the drinking, and Dad did lecture me regularly at that time, mind you), neither of us have ever needed a loan or been in debt. We don't always make the best decisions (i.e. when I bought my 2007 Cobalt in 2007... I got lectured then, too) but we do our best to learn from our mistakes though it may take years, especially for me, to overcome my pigheadedness and admit I was wrong (i.e. when I bought my 2007 Cobalt in 2007 and wouldn't admit it was a dumb decision until 2010). Why is there a need for competition? Do the work instead! I'm sure he'll feel better about a job well done and a life well lived than he would about trying to prove his superiority through words. For me, personally, despite my setbacks, mistakes and shortcomings, God has made a pretty amazing picture out of the mess of my life, so far. Isn't that of more worth than words?


"My grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was much less competition." Indira Gandhi


So what do you do when there is an extreme form of sibling rivalry? This isn't the normal rivalry. This is ridiculous. I can "influence" my brother's decisions. He will do anything to show me up. It helps in some cases (like when he was going to separate from the military and try to move back into my parents' house so I claimed to be planning to re-enlist just so he'd re-enlist and do something worth his time) but for the most part, it's really frustrating. Even more so now that my child is being pulled into it. I don't want the rivalry to be forced between them. I don't want her to ever feel bad because her Aunt and Uncle make sure to let her know L did it first or L did it better. How do you handle it when your parent, of all people, is egging it on? Is it time for a confrontation or do I keep ignoring it?

Life Boat #14

It's a New Year and a chance for new beginnings. It's the closing of 2011 and the opening of 2012. Last year was the first year I'd ever made a New Year Resolution. It was kind of a big one so I made it to myself only, unlike following the masses and telling everyone. Last year, I resolved to try to start a family again. Last year, I was among the few who were successful. Even if I hadn't given birth to the most darling little girl the earth has ever seen, I still would have been successful because I used the word try. This year, I am going to try to do something different, something better, with my life. This year, my resolution is influence, inspired even, by history (as well as today's church sermon which is where I was reminded of this bit of history).

Titanic lifeboat #14 was the only lifeboat to return to the mass of drowning Titanic passengers to make the attempt to rescue any of them from the frigid, northern Atlantic water. The passengers of lifeboat #14 ran the risk of being capsized by the hundreds of people who were panicking, freezing and dying. The passengers of lifeboat #14 decided that the lives of those in the water were more important than their risk of joining them in the water. To the people they rescued, the passengers of lifeboat #14 were heroes.

This year, I resolve to try to be a lifeboat #14, in every way. I will try to always remember to act on the God-given opportunities to minister to another person. I will try to always remember to carry a little extra change in case I come across someone in need. I will try to remember to give cheerfully to those I can give and to help cheerfully those who are in need, no matter how small. I will try to remember to always pay it forward. If someone treats me with an act of kindness, I will try to use that act as a reminder to treat others in return.